Skip These Useless Car Upgrades
Cars aren’t exactly cheap, and even the most economical vehicle will cost you a pretty penny. It makes sense then as to why so many drivers go through such extensive lengths to personalize their vehicles and demonstrate their pride. That being said, not every vehicle “upgrade” is made equal, and some of them serve no practical purpose whatsoever, doing nothing for performance, handling, or power.
Underglow Lights
If you’re trying to capture the aesthetic of the fast and furious lifestyle, some underglow lights may be just what you need. However, if you actually want your car to perform fast and furiously, they won’t do much for you. But hey, at least they’re pretty.
Fluffy Dice
Have you ever looked up at your rearview mirror and thought, “Gee, this thing’s great and all, but imagine how it’d look with a silly doohickey or something dangling beneath it?” A pair of fluffy dice does wonders for making your ride look like it’s traveled 88 miles per hour from the 70s, but they won’t do much for the actual performance of your vehicle.
Bumper Stickers
Who doesn’t love looking at the car in front of them and being greeted with a witty aphorism or sarcastic remark? We sure do! Of course, bumper stickers - and pretty much everything else you can affix to the exterior of your car - won’t do anything to make you drive better or faster, but at least you’ll leave the guy behind you with another detail he can include when he inevitably files a police report on you for driving like a buffoon.
Headlight Eyelashes
Pixar’s Cars had all of us looking at vehicles a little differently, and it’s impossible to not see a face when you’re staring down the front of a car. You can enhance the effect even further by equipping your headlights with a pair of chic eyelashes, but just know that they won’t do much for your vehicle’s performance.
Fake Hood Vents
Hood vents make your bonnet look ten times cooler and are a great way to make your ride seem like more of a powerhouse than it actually is. That said, fake hood vents really don’t do anything for performance.
Side Scoops
Real side scoops provide ventilation and cooling for the cars they’re attached to. Of course, most of the ones you’ll come across are purely cosmetic and actually do nothing to enhance a vehicle’s performance.
Spoilers
Spoilers are sort of a visual indicator that the cars they’re attached to are super-duper fast. Of course, just like side scoops, if your vehicle wasn’t designed with spoilers in mind, you won’t be doing it any favors by attaching one. In fact, spoilers on cars with front-wheel drive actually increase drag while providing no downforce.
Carbon Fiber Trim
Carbon fiber is that stuff that superhero costumes are made of. It’s supposed to be incredibly lightweight while still being durable enough to withstand repeated use. Of course, if you’re adding a carbon fiber trim to the inside of your vehicle, don’t expect any of this to apply - it’s a purely cosmetic “upgrade”.
Chrome Stickers
These days, pretty much everything is chrome - chrome grills, chrome trims, chrome rims, you get the picture. If you’re trying to keep up with the trends, some chrome stickers may do the trick, but just know that they completely lack the durability of real chrome.
LED Light Strips
The inside of your cabin is probably where you’ll have the most control when it comes to customizing your car. Some LED light strips can add a bit of gentle ambiance to what may otherwise be a pretty bland interior, but they won’t do much for your actual driving experience.
Aftermarket Shift Knobs
You’re probably already well-acquainted (and, dare we say, intimate) with your car’s shift knob. If you’re looking to dolly it up and personalize it to suit your tastes, there are plenty of aftermarket shift knobs you can get your hands on that span the gamut of styles, but be warned that they don’t do anything for your shift speed.
Floor Mats
Floor mats help keep the actual floor of your vehicle mostly clean and clear of dirt and debris. They’re often pretty bland or purely functional in terms of appearance. Still, you can always get them custom-made, and they’ll no doubt liven up the inside of your vehicle but won’t do much for its performance - and by that, we mean nothing at all.
Sunroof Deflectors
Sunroofs are great for allowing a little extra sunlight and fresh air to your cabin, but they’re also pretty noisy at high speeds or on particularly windy days. Deflectors will help to reduce those noise levels and may make your driving experience more comfortable as a result, but won’t do anything for performance.
Chrome Exhaust Tips
If you fancy yourself as something of a “chrome fetishist” (like most manufacturers these days), some chrome exhaust tips will probably have you salivating at the mouth. No doubt, they look pretty, but they won’t actually change the way your exhaust pipe functions.
Racing Stripes
Contrary to popular belief, just because a car has a spoiler, low suspension, and some racing stripes, these things don’t inherently guarantee that the car will be faster. By all means, add some racing stripes to your ride, but don’t expect to compete in Le Mans anytime soon.
Large Wheels
You’ve got plenty of options when it comes to customizing your car’s wheels. You can change the tire tread, rims, even their size. Unfortunately, doing so won’t actually improve your performance and, in fact, may negatively impact your handling.
Low-Profile Tires (on Stock Rims)
Low-profile tires are something of a staple when it comes to sports cars. They’re pretty stylish when paired with some nice rims, but if you’re adding them to the stock rims your car came with, they may reduce the comfort of your ride without doing anything for its performance.
Brake Vents
Brake vents fall into that same category as side scoops, i.e., “things that look cool on a car but often don’t actually do anything”. They can give your car more of a sporty look, but don’t expect to start driving it like a sports car.
Hood Scoops
Just like brake vents and side scoops, hood scoops will almost always make your car seem way cooler than it actually is, but more often than not, they’re purely cosmetic and don’t do anything for performance.
Side Skirts
Side skirts on cars are intended to offer increased protection and improved aerodynamics… but, let’s face it, unless your vehicle was designed to accommodate them, they won’t do anything for you.
Roof Scoops
Here’s a scoop for ya: if anything has the word “scoop” in it, it’s probably useless! Indeed, roof scoops - much like hood scoops and side scoops - will make your car look sporty but won’t make it handle any better.
Aftermarket Grilles
Your car’s grille is responsible for allowing air to enter the engine and help it cool down, and with it being so visible, it’s something that will determine other people’s perception of your ride. If you’re not happy with it, you can switch it out for an aftermarket grille, but just know that these typically don’t do anything for performance.
Antennas
Most cars these days feature very discreet antennas and aerials, but we can sort of see the appeal in changing it up for something more retro. Of course, it won’t actually do anything for the car’s actual performance.
Tinted Windows
Out of everything on this list, tinted windows are probably the most popular car modification. They’re a great way to make you seem more mysterious, like a professional hitman or secret agent, but they don’t do anything for the car’s performance, and you’ll need to be careful about not tinting the windows beyond legal limits.
Loud Horns
Cars don’t speak, but they express themselves through the roaring of their engines, the screeching of their tires, and the volume of their horns. If you’re thinking of adding a little jingle to your car’s horn, the car itself won’t perform any better, but you’ll at least have yet another method of annoying your fellow drivers.
Roll Bars
Real roll bars have a very important purpose - they’re designed to provide safety in the event of rolling while also somewhat improving handling. Of course, cars need to be designed specifically to accommodate them, and fake roll bars don’t serve any real purpose - they don’t even look cool.
Tow Hooks
Tow hooks don’t enhance performance anyway, but real ones at least serve a practical purpose. Decorative tow hooks, on the other hand, may give your car more of a sporty appearance, but they’re not functional for towing.
License Plate Frames
Most people are perfectly content with leaving their license plates as they are, but if you’re one of those fellas with a custom plate, you may as well shill for a frame as well. Of course, this won’t do anything for your vehicle’s performance beyond making you look like you’ve got too much money to spend.
Air Fresheners
Now, don’t get us wrong, air fresheners do serve a purpose, and some might even argue that they’re essential for ensuring the comfort of your ride. Of course, aftermarket air fresheners are often not worth the price tag attached to them.
Valve Stem Caps
Your wheels’ valve stems are what enables them to be inflated whenever you stop at a gas station. They’re pretty discreet, though, and there’s not much use in customizing them. Of course, you could add some decorative seals, but they’re already so small that it’s difficult to even argue their aesthetic value.
Pedal Covers
Pedals are those things that make your car go “vroom” or “screech”. They’re pretty important, and you can customize them with some swanky pedal covers, but doing so won’t enhance the vehicle’s performance.
Sun Visors
On sunny afternoons, sun visors are a real lifesaver, but they aren’t crucial for your car to function or perform properly. Ergo, custom sun visors may look pretty, but they’re otherwise pretty useless.
Fuel Caps
If you’re used to pouring your own gas, you’re probably well-acquainted with your vehicle’s fuel cap. Like pretty much every other part of your car, the fuel cap can be customized but doing so does nothing for performance.
Dashboard Covers
The dashboard is a crucial aspect of your car’s interior, and it’s something many vehicle owners will try to keep neat and clean. To this end, a dashboard cover will work wonders but won’t do much for your car’s performance.
Steering Wheel Covers
Just like your gear stick, your steering wheel gets plenty of hands-on attention, and a nice cover can improve its appearance or help keep it clean, but it won’t affect your driving ability or your vehicle’s appearance.
